By The Woman's Editor
It's the extinction thing that bothers me most
-- The stamp of one name blotting out the life that existed
-- Ms. Sorcha Blaine nee Jones -- The previous identity
is noted as a courtesy, if at all.
Eventually, the new identity becomes a reference point: "
My wife." "My spouse."
This builds to include possessions: "Our house." "Our luggage."
And affiliations: "Our neighborhood. " "Our club."
There are exceptions: "My car." "Your phone calls."
At times the exceptions are used to hurt: "Your son."
I'm an expert at understanding all this since I've never been
married.-- My motto is "Always the bridesmaid, never and bet
your freaking life on this! - the bride."
The first time I was a bridesmaid was at my sister's wedding. I
was 9 All the adults around me cried so I cried, too, but I wasn't
really sad her marriage meant I got the bedroom at home all to
myself, now. Room for Barbies everyplace!
Through my tears of joy at Barbie-space, I watched my sister
and her boyfriend become the first people I knew to change
from not married to married -- Over the next few years, I found
out that husbands really didn't have to grow up if they didn't
want to --Wives could say anything to husbands so long as
the husbands had been bad first -- Husbands kept all the
money and spent all the money-- Wives spent all the money
the husbands made and needed more --Husbands couldn't
have as much fun as they used to have before they got
married -- Wives couldn't rely on their husbands to be home
at a decent hour -- Divorce was bad for the kids.
MILES OF AISLES
I've been a bridesmaid at many more weddings -- I've walked
down a lot of aisles -- Sometimes I could see the car accident
waiting ahead of me and sometimes not - I've lived through the
courtships, engagements, broken engagements, marriages and
divorces of dozens of friends -- I've held sweaty palms during
child custody battles and child support arbitrations -- I've
experienced first-hand the thrill of victory/agony of defeat
over a once-loved spouse as s/he is handed a plainly un/fair
decision by a judge. I've seen it all -- Remarkably, and maybe
this was just a twist of fate, I was always on the side of the
My earliest lessons about marriage didn't change much over time
-- I do have a few tips about weddings to pass along, though:
NEVER use velcro instead of buttons to fasten bridesmaids'
ALWAYS stipulate the use of air conditioning in a church
for an August wedding
NEVER give your bridesmaids cheap jade earrings that
can get sucked down the best man's windpipe if he gets romantic
ALWAYS keep the number of an ambulance handy
NEVER give the number to the groom
ALWAYS keep the number of a divorce attorney handy
FOREVER lasts longer when you hate someone than when you
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